


Sloth

by TooYoungToFeelThisTired



Series: What if? [12]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternative Timeline, Cataphora, Depression, F/M, Five is the same age as Vanya, Mentioned Feelings, No Incest, Overdosing, Passivity, Pseudo-Incest, Sharing a Bed, bathing together, taking care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-05-12 05:45:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19222840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooYoungToFeelThisTired/pseuds/TooYoungToFeelThisTired
Summary: On most days it was easy. She got up, had breakfast, went to work, came home, and called her siblings. On most days she lived her life like anyone else. On some days, however, it was different...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own TUA

On most of the days, it was easier to be able to function than others. It was easier to just get up, get dressed, eat, go work, come home, call one of her siblings depending on what day it was, and go to bed. It was easier to think for herself and do things for herself. Just live. Just be herself. These were most of the days. The days when everything seemed normal, ordinary even. Everything felt, looked and sounded just okay, normal and most importantly...real. It was all as it should be, and whatever foolish thought she had before was just something she could chuckle over during her morning coffee while looking out of the window.

Such a silly thought.

On most of the days, everything was alright. She could act like a functioning adult and person going on with her life and day as any other person she knew. Most of the days were okay. Most of the days were like that.

However, there were other days too. They didn't happen often. One could almost call them that they were rare. Even rarer as she was living a good life with a few friends, her siblings looking out for her and she for them, having a job she loved, a hobby which fulfilled her and yet...sometimes they still happened...

You might ask what happened on those other days...

Well...on the other days...

It was different.

On those other days, not the easy ones, not the ordinary or normal ones where she could get up, have breakfast, go to work, call her siblings...no, she couldn't do any of those things on those other days.

On those rare days, it was like she couldn't do anything at all. It felt like she was standing in the gallery looking at a gloomy black and white painting she saw so many times before, it didn't even cause an impression inside her, no emotions, no thought, no opinion. It was like looking at a painting you saw so many times before it became almost soulless. On those rare days, it felt like she couldn't do anything, but watch that painting without a single emotion or feeling. On those rare days that painting was how Vanya Hargreeves looked at the world around her. It was as if it was all gloomy black and white, and soulless leaving her without a single drop of feeling, emotion, impression or opinion. It was as the soulless world around her made her soulless as well. Perhaps it was true.

On those rare days, it felt different since the moment she opened her eyes. It started with a headache or this pressure inside her skull. Not yet a headache, but close. Sometimes headaches were just headaches. Common pains. Everyone had them from time to time. But this one felt different. It was always the same and over the years she grew familiar with it recognizing it immediately.

Sometimes she would call in sick, just so she could get through those rare days in bed. It was easier that way because she could just lie in bed and let all those thoughts of absurdities run through her mind before the day was over, and she could have breakfast, go to work, call her sibling...

Other times, she thought she could do it without having to cut herself out of things. She thought she could go on with her day and push the feeling of everything she cared and felt something for slipping away from her fingers away enough to go on with her days. Those times were the worst because no matter how in control she felt, how attached she felt and in her right mind, they never stuck. No, she could never beat that demon which was slowly crawling its way through her back to her shoulder where it sat down and with a maleficent grin whispered his spell...

 _Nothing really matters_...

And just like that. With that single thought in her mind, everything she cared about and felt inside her, all her emotions slipped between her fingers like sand leaving her empty-handed and soulless. It was like with that spell the whole world turned black and white all the colors fading away.

Vanya looked down at her hands and watched as the rain fell down on her skin. She could barely feel it. She could see it hitting her hands, but she couldn't feel it. It was like she was a ghost and the rain went through her or maybe like she was untouchable. Maybe it wasn't really raining. Maybe it wasn't real.

She rose her head and stared openly at the sky. Somewhere around her people were hurrying for cover from the rain, some hitting her shoulder as they rushed by her. She didn't feel the contact or notice the way her body constantly jerked from the impact one more violent than the other.

The woman kept her eyes on the sky. The rain was falling down her face, but she didn't feel it. Not at all. Not really. Was it really raining? Wasn't it all just an illusion? What good would that do? What bad would that do?

Vanya blinked when one of the raindrops fell into her eyes. She felt it this time, but for some reason, she found it hard to move. She just stood there on the street in the middle of the rain with people walking by her hitting into her as they rushed away from the pouring rain.

She briefly thought that it was never like this. She usually at least managed to get home if she got this bad, but right now she felt like she couldn't move. Like she didn't want to. Like she didn't know how.

She didn't panic. She wasn't scared, but a part of her wondered if she shouldn't call someone or text someone, but those thoughts were so silent almost like they weren't there at all and the demon on her shoulder only laughed.

 _Nothing really matters_...

She closed her eyes and let the rain fall down on her for a while until someone didn't collide with her sending her 5'1 tiny frame to the ground.

'Sorry,' she heard a man's voice, as well as someone running away. When she opened her eyes she found herself alone on the wet ground getting soaked from the rain people walking around her now creating almost a circle as they tried to avoid her. Most of them were not even paying attention to a woman partly lying partly sitting on the ground. Those who did look just offered her an odd glance probably wondering why she was still on the ground.

By now Vanya felt soaked through her coat, jeans, and shoes. She felt the cold water against her skin. It would have been unpleased almost horrible on a normal day, but on days like these Vanya couldn't be bothered. She couldn't be bothered by anything really. So she just stayed there on the ground looking somewhere she wasn't even sure whereas the water was soaking through all her clothes to her body. Perhaps tomorrow she will feel embarrassed, foolish even about her behavior but today she couldn't be bothered by it. She remained there without moving for what felt like ages and yet a moment at the same time. Time lost its value at that moment for her.

The demon leaned closer to her ear.

 _Nothing really matters_...

When she felt a pair of strong arms around her middle, she didn't scream or jerked away from the touch. She barely even realized it until her feet were set on the still ground and the pair of hands let go of her stomach only to spun her around toward a solid chest.

'Vanya, what the hell? Are you alright?'

She recognized the voice. Of course, she recognized it, it belonged to her brother. She grew up with him her whole life and yet at that moment, he might as well be a stranger to her. She didn't move or say anything she just watched him as he was frowning all confused and worried-looking over her face for some answer of what was going on. He never liked to be clueless about things. He had an unsatisfied hunger for knowledge his whole life.

'Vanya, what's wrong?' he asked and shook her a bit maybe hoping it would help, but she barely felt it at all.

She didn't say anything or move she just watched him trying to focus on his green eyes while the cold was slowly creeping into her body.

She didn't know how much time had passed since he gave up his attempts to shake her awake in the next moment, he cursed out loudly all frustrated for people walking by to hear, 'Shit!'

Five feverishly let his hands run over her clothed and wet body, 'Did someone hurt you?'

She didn't answer.

His hands continued to check her all over if she was buttoned and zipped everywhere. Did he think someone forced himself on her? Well, she was covered and water and mug from her fall, so maybe he did.

'Vanya!' he snapped at her as if that would help to get her attention, but she couldn't answer. She couldn't say a word just watch him even her eyelids feeling heavy.

Five's hand reached into her pocket, and he pulled out her little bottle of pills.

He frowned down at them before he looked back at her face, 'How many did you take?'

How many...oh she remembered now. She was anxious the night before about work, and it gave her insomnia so she took two extra pills or did she take more? She couldn't recall...

 _Nothing really matters_...

The demon chuckled at her shoulder.

She blinked again at his sudden outburst before he took her elbow and started to lead her somewhere off the street.

'Let's go,' he ordered her, but his tone wasn't as firm as she was used to. He could be meaner, crueler, ruthless. But he wasn't. Not now at least.

The direction was not strange to her. She walked this way countless times before. All the way to the outside door to the building, to the stairs, up to the stairs to the small dark hallways. Did this mean she was on her way to his apartment? She couldn't remember now, but she knew her work was the other way. Maybe she did try to seek him out...

She briefly thought about the broken light bulb she told him just yesterday that he should have it fixed. It was still left unchanged in his hallway outside the apartment.

Once he unlocked the door he rushed her inside closing it after them.

'You're insane, you know that?' he asked sharply but didn't wait for an answer probably coming to terms he wouldn't get one.

'Who the hell just sits on the street during a rain,' he mumbled sounding frustrated and annoyed before he went to reap down his coat while kicking off his shoes to the side.

'Insane, really. Who does that? You will catch pneumonia and what will you do then, ha?' he snapped but mostly to himself complaining as old people tend to do all grumpy and frustrated with everything.

She was standing still, on the same spot he left her watching him without a single sound. The demon still on her shoulder.

 _Nothing really matters_...

He turned around, 'Vanya.'

His gaze was pierced into her, his jaw clenched and his lips in a sharp line. He was upset, she recognized that look many times and, usually, it meant he was absolutely crossed with whoever it was meant for. If it was any other day, she would have felt afraid, shocked even that he gave one of those looks to her. But today, she didn't care. She couldn't bring herself to care. The look made her feel nothing just like everything else today.

He walked toward her looking at her face again, whatever he saw there was probably enough for him to set his mind because in the next moment he started to slowly unbutton her coat.

It was quick and in no time, the piece of clothing was being slid down her arms to the ground where it let out a loud damp sound as it hit the floor.

'You're freezing,' he said as his hand covered hers.

She knew he was right. She could feel the cold from her soaked clothes filling her body literally freezing it.

'You're shaking,' he said before he let go of her hands and kneeled down in front of her.

Vanya blinked again and watched as he lifted her right leg and pulled down her shoe before he did the same with the other one while he kept one hand on her waist securing her in case she would lose balance. She realized he always did that. Ever since she could remember, there was always one of his hands on her shoulder, waists, lower back guiding her and making sure she wouldn't fall. Always securing her with one hand.

'Let's go,' he said as he once again guided her, this time to his small bathroom.

She had been in Five's place plenty of times. It was a nice single bedroom apartment just like hers. It didn't feel overly personal or too containing. It made her feel comfortable enough to walk around and sit wherever she liked letting her hair down on most of the days. She wasn't always comfortable in places other than her own. She knew the inside and out of their old mansion where only Luther lived now, but it was too painful because the memories to act as home there. Diego's small boiler room made her feel the same hostility Diego himself did. It was like that place knew his owner's emotions and acted on them toward her making her feel miserable. She never knew where to sit in Allison's fancy house which looking like she was too underdressed for even if Allison herself was wearing casual. Klaus's place was usually his newest boyfriend's place, and she was never asked to visit, but she was sure she would feel just as awkward as she felt everywhere else. Five's place was by far the only one she liked and felt good while staying at so far. At times she wondered if maybe that wasn't why she and he go along so well. Perhaps underneath all their differences, they were the same. They liked things small and simple knowing where they stood and what was around them couldn't contain them too much making it hard to breathe.

She wasn't sure how much time passed or what exactly happened, just that in a couple of moments later she found herself silently watching the water slowly filling Five's tub as he processed to unbutton her shirt.

'You're completely soaked, how long have you been out there?' he asked again, but it was clear he was passed the point of waiting for an answer.

The shirt fell to the ground next leaving her exposed and her body to shudder. It was the first indication that it really was cold. But then again it wasn't her body which was feeling like this, it was her mind.

She felt Five's hand move over her arms to warm her up a bit, 'Alright, just a little bit longer.'

If it was any other day Vanya would have noted that she was now left only in her bra in front of Five and maybe even blush. But on those rare days, the demon's voice made sure she didn't speculate or see anything to worry or excite herself about with such gestures.

 _Nothing really matters_...

When she felt his hands touched her stomach on their way to the zipper on her pants she causally looked over at him.

She could now see that his face was a bit red. Maybe he was the one blushing.

'Sorry,' he said as he undid the zipper and pulled her pants down before once again bending in front of her pulling the clothing down one leg at a time. Tomorrow she would find it embarrassing or funny that someone as tall as a giant like Five had to bent like this to pull down her pants but not today. Today she didn't feel anything as the pants fell to her ankles and Five led her to step away from them.

He looked at her with an expression of something maybe even tomorrow Vanya would have a hard time to understand before he opened his mouth, 'I'm gonna...now I'm gonna... no fuck it. I can't.'

He turned back to the bathtub and stopped the water.

She distantly heard him let out a deep exhale before he turned back around and looked somewhere to the side as his fingers slide under the strap of her panties, and he pushed them down. Wherever Five looked as he slid them to her ankles and then processed to get them off the same way as her pants, Vanya couldn't tell as she kept on looking to the front waiting for Five to return to her level of vision.

He straightened up his chest rising and falling faster than before, and if she could move on her own, she would probably reach out just to see if she would be able to feel his heartbeat under her palm. But she couldn't move. She still couldn't. Not without his hand guiding her.

 _Nothing really matters_...

Five leaned closer to her and kept his eyes on hers as she felt him crept his hands behind her touching her bare back in the process of unhooking her bra. The last piece of clothing she still had on. He easily let the straps slide over her shoulders and pulled the underwear from her body before throwing it to the ground.

She didn't say anything, and neither did he, so now she was just standing there all naked in front of him without a single move or word. She felt a bit tired now as well. Maybe she could lie down for a bit. Five wouldn't mind and even if he did, she didn't care.

He carefully put his hand on her back and then moved it to her lower back a bit slower than necessary. He slightly bent down and put his free hand under her knees quickly lifting her up into his arms before he carefully sat her down into his tub.

The water was hot, but it didn't burn. It made her body feel cozy.

'Alright, now can you just-Hey!' he snapped at her, but she barely acknowledged it. The water in the bath was nice and warm, and it made her feel even sleepier than before.

'Don't do that!' he said and made sure he had her head lifted, 'Don't fall asleep, alright?'

She didn't answer. She couldn't. The demon wouldn't let her, and honestly, she wasn't sure she would stay awake.

'Fucking hell,' he cursed loudly in the bathroom before he with one hand quickly started to move on to the buttons of his own shirt.

'I can't believe it, I'm actually...,' he shook his head, 'This better be work. You're killing me here.'

Honestly, all his words were a little less than sounds in the wind.

He undid his pants and pushed them down along with his underwear while keeping her head above the water.

Tomorrow Vanya might be shocked that she was naked in one room with Five, but today, she didn't care and kept on looking at him not bothered by shame or morals or anything really. Tomorrow her heart might speed up at the thought that they were like this. It was a pretty repetitive thought she amused herself with often on most of the days. But on today it all felt too unreal for her to have a grasp of what was happening. She wanted to touch the moment and absorb the feeling of it, but she couldn't. It was just like with the rain, she saw it falling down against her skin, but she couldn't feel it.

Five carefully shifted her and went into the tub sitting down against the edge before he pulled her closer letting her rest her head on his chest. He kept one hand secured on her stomach and his legs caged her between him keeping her from moving under the water.

'It's okay,' he said his voice a bit softer now as he started to slowly stroke her hair and the side of her head, 'You're okay now.'

Even if she couldn't really feel anything, she caught onto the little things. She could feel how warm the water was on the contrast to how cold she was a moment ago.

Vanya felt her eyes shut at the feeling of her body slowly warming up and coming alive. It wasn't bad. It was actually nice at least by the standards her body had.

She found herself sighing a little bit. Her mind still detached from all of it, but her body coming alive a bit in the hot water the coldness of the rain fading away.

If she wasn't mistaken she felt Five tense a bit before he pressed his head against the top of hers, 'Just come back to me, okay?'

She didn't respond just kept letting her body enjoy the warmth of the water. It was also slowly helping the rest of her body to feel things like Five's skin against her own, his chest moving against her back all solid and steady even though his heart was beating a bit faster than before. Her body felt his arms drumming against her stomach a bit and his breathing a bit faster on the top of her head. She would store it all in her memory for tomorrow Vanya who would enjoy it all more. Feel it more profoundly.

After a while, she felt Five shift a bit against her before her nose picked up on the familiar smell of his shampoo and soap. He always preferred classics. She kept her eyes closed even when she felt him move her head a bit and slowly apply the product to her hair before he started to massage it into her skull. His fingers worked mechanically massaging her head with effective circles which created a bit of pressure but in a good way.

She faintly heard him ask her something, but she couldn't even concentrate anymore her mind turning out completely as she felt him take the soap and start to rub it against her shoulders.

 _Nothing really matters_...

Even if her mind couldn't cooperate, her body clearly enjoyed his fingers a lot as they moved over her skin. It felt a bit bizarre as he moved them all over slowing rubbing the product into her skin. He moved through her chest and then leaned her a bit away from him to get to her back.

Her mind was blank, but her lips parted, and she let out a soft moan when his hand quickly moved between her legs.

As quickly as he had gone there he got out and went down the path through her legs to her feet. He didn't say a word, but she felt his member which he must have been purposely pushing to the side on her back, jerk against her at one point.

'Ignore it,' he said his voice a bit hoarse.

She blinked speechless, as he finished putting on the soap before he sat it away and lifted her a bit higher by the waists.

'Do you feel any better, hm?' he asked his voice now against soft and caring.

Her body hummed not only at the sound of it but also at being so nicely taken care of by his hands a moment ago.

She closed her eyes.

Sometimes it was like that. She noticed. On most of the days she played with the thought it could actually mean something. He always said she was the only one he actually liked from their family. He spoke higher of her than she deserved. He made sure to go to her concerts at least two times a month. He constantly found ways to get her to come to his apartment. Usually, it wasn't that hard to convince her anyway, but it was nice to know he wanted her to be there. On most of the days, she wondered if it meant there was a part of him that liked her the way she liked him, but on those days she was also too afraid to ask or make a direct move.

She wasn't sure when it happened, but she felt Five's hands over her body again and the water washing the soap and shampoo away for what seemed like a moment before she felt herself being lifted into his arms bride style and carried out of the bath.

'Don't slip,' he mumbled as he sat her down and she opened her eyes to look at him.

He took one of his big towels the kind which hugged her whole body as he put it over her shoulders and started to dry her, his eyes looking at her face the whole time. Tomorrow she would find the blush on his face adorable and funny since he already saw her naked. He saw all there was about her and was still standing naked himself in front of her. There weren't many things to be blushing about. Tomorrow she would feel a lot of things about what he did today for her, just not today.

'Just a few moments,' he said before he reached for her face and wiped something away, 'Eyelash.'

He brought his thumb to her face, 'Will you wish for something?'

She didn't answer or lowered her eyes from his. They looked so vulnerable now. How could it be? He always stood so straight and tall, never backing down, never allowing defeat. She never saw him scared like this before.

'Okay,' he sounded like he was a little boy again. An actual little boy. But even when he was really little she couldn't remember him ever sounding like that.

He brought his hand toward his face looked away for a moment and said, 'I hope you will be yourself tomorrow.'

Then he blew the little eyelash away and continued to dry her with the towel, 'I never know whether you should say the wish out loud or not. Still seems silly, but you believe in things like that, don't you?'

He made a knot on the towel to secure it around her body as he went to take one himself and then another one to put over her hair.

She knew tomorrow Vanya would think he had a nice ass as he turned his back to her to get the towel. It was something she thought from time to time as her gaze landed on it on most of the days.

Five got them out of the bathroom and moved to his bedroom where he sat her down on the bed, 'You're gonna have to do with my clothes today. All my t-shirts will most likely be dresses for you, but I think we will manage.'

He was rambling. He was trying to occupy his mind now. Maybe so he wouldn't panic over how she was now. Maybe so he wouldn't panic over that they bathed together. Well, he bathed her. Will she feel strange about it tomorrow?

He undid the knot on the towel and pulled one of his long shirts over her head and down before he guided each of her legs into a pair of boxes and pulled them up. Now she was dressed again.

'You're drowning in those,' he commented before he returned to his closet and picked up his own clothes.

She watched him openly. She didn't feel anything that would force her to look away or leave the room. So she just sat there where he put her and watched as he pulled away the towel and put on some clothes. He didn't seem to have enough modesty to go to the bathroom either, or maybe he just didn't want to leave her on her own.

Once he was done, he came back to her and lifted her up again only to have her lied down on the bed. How many times he had done this? She remembered sometimes she fell asleep on his couch and then wake up in his bed. He always stayed on the couch when she was in the bed though. But not tonight.

He went to turn off the lights and came to lie down next to her on the other side. She felt the bed shift and because it wasn't that late there was still evening light coming from the windows.

She wondered if they would talk about it all tomorrow. If he would ask her again why she stood in the rain and why she took the extra pills and if she would be again the same old Vanya and answer. She also wondered if they would talk about this. About how he found her and took care of her so lovingly. Even with the demon's claws still digging into the skin of her shoulder not letting go and whispering his cruel spell, leaving her passive about it all. A small part of her liked to think they would. She was sure tomorrow she would feel embarrassed and silly for it all, but also a bit happy and thrilled. She knew how on most days Vanya was and how she felt about Five.

'I hope,' he mumbled suddenly by her right.

She shifted her eyes toward him even if she couldn't see his face properly.

'I hope I didn't make it worse for you,' he swallowed a bit, 'Or made you feel uncomfortable or think I used you-'

His voice sounded so worried. Even Vanya on rare days could hear he started to panic about it all. It didn't suit him to be scared like that.

She felt too tired to talk and move in any big way. The demon didn't let her.

But very slowly her index finger touched his and impossibly leisurely stroked his skin in her brief moment defiance to the demon

 _Nothing really matters_...

-but tomorrow it will.

She couldn't get the demon of her shoulder today, but tomorrow she would be free, and she would explain all of it to Five. She already could tell he would understand and help her in any way she needed. Some things couldn't be fixed, but they could be mended.

Five moved on the bed and rolled her to her side before he spooned her from the behind, 'Take your time. I'm here.'

With that, she closed her eyes and let the rare day come to an end. Tomorrow would be one of the most days where she would wake up and have breakfast and talk to Five. Tomorrow all would be alright.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

'It's one of those days you just want to stay in bed,' said an elderly woman on the street.

'What?' Five asked confused who she was and why was she talking to him as he was passing by her with his umbrella covering his whole body.

'I said it's one of those days you just want to stay in bed,' she repeated before she nodded at the raining sky, 'It's shit out here.'

Five blinked at her before he nodded and continued to walk not even sure why he engaged in the first place. She was right though. It was shit outside. It had been raining all day with seemingly no end. It was annoying.

The pressure of the storm was making his knee hurt. The knee he busted back when he was a kid during a mission for daddy dearest. At least he never dreamed of becoming a football player or something.

He walked through the raining streets passing the people hurrying to take cover. Everyone was trying to get home. He was as well. He regretted going to work today. One of his colleagues had a birthday party, and he was forced to stand by as they sang her happy birthday and cut cake. It was degrading in his opinion, and he hid in his office the first chance he got. He liked that he could work in research rather than to teach. He hated when he had to deal with people especially people who were all smiley and polite unnecessary conversations right before they would ask _Oh, aren't you one of those kids from the 2000s? The Umbrella Academy?_

He despised their interested looks as they eyed them like some animal from the zoo. Some were bold enough to ask if he could use his powers, others only gave him pleading looks wishing that he would do so on his own. It was why he avoided people as much as possible, shooting daggers at them whenever they wished to approach. He was better off alone. If he was up for some company he could call one of his siblings, if he was being in the mood for some masochism he could even invite them over or arrange to spend some time with them. The only sibling, he actually liked or didn't particularly mind having around was Vanya.

The gloomy weather made him think of her. Maybe he could invite her for dinner today. It wouldn't be the worst idea to spend the evening in her company and watch a movie or talk about something. Maybe he could vent about his work some. She was always an excellent listener. The only one who ever truly listened to him. He will call her once he gets home to see what she was up to.

The rain was getting worse, the people were a bit more rushed to get out of it.

As he walked in noticed people walking around something on the street, he wondered if there was a large puddle already. The city was working on some pipes a couple of days ago, so there were holes in the ground perfect for little pools with how heavy it was raining.

Five continued to walk toward it. It was on his way how and if anything he would walk around it. He didn't really dwell on it.

It wasn't until he was close. Maybe six steps that he noticed that someone was on the ground.

_A homeless person?_

He was five steps away that he saw the dark coat and brown hair.

_A woman_.

Four steps when he caught the profile of the person's face.

'Vanya!' he shouted startling a few people in front of him before he teleported to her his umbrella lost to him as he put his arms around her from the behind and lifted her up. Her legs felt unsteady as he tried to get her on his feet, so he held her for a moment before he turned her around to look at him.

He pressed her against him as close as possible while keeping his hands on her back looking into her face. She was dirty and wet from the rain. He tried to search her face and her brown earth eyes for some answer. Was she hurt? Did something happen? She was sitting on the cold ground in the rain, of course, something happened.

Did someone hurt her?

Rage filled his veins mixing with the fear he felt for her.

_Please be okay. Please be okay._

Even like this in his arms, her chest against his own, heart to heart, he still wasn't satisfied. He still didn't know if she was alright.

'Vanya, what's wrong?' he asked and shook her a bit maybe hoping it would help, but she didn't say anything like she was mute. She just stared at him something her gaze making him sick to his stomach. It was so familiar, but he couldn't place it. What was it? He knew that look of absolute disconnection from the moment, but from where?

Did she ever look like that? He knew how she looked when she was lost in thoughts. When she looked out of the window tilting her head, her mind million miles away probably listening to beautiful sonatas he couldn't possibly understand.

Why was she like this?

'Shit!' he cursed loudly sensing some of the people around him started to turn around to see what was happening, but he ignored them instead he started to check her clothes and body looking for some clue to what was happening with her.

Why wasn't she responding? Was she drugged? Paralyzed? In shock?

'Did someone hurt you?' he asked desperately praying that wasn't it to any god who would listen. The thought of someone putting their hands on her made his fist ache for a punch.

She didn't answer.

'Vanya!' he snapped at her at one point a lady walking nearby them actually jumped away surprised from his outburst, but he didn't give a fuck something was wrong with Vanya. Nothing else mattered in that moment.

Five's hand reached into her pocket, and he pulled out her little bottle of pills.

_Her pills._

His mind went to overdrive. At the beginning of the month, she told him she went for a refill because he ran out. Every bottle had 60 pills. She usually took two pills a day. He knew this as he watched her swallowed them down dry for years while living with her. Their father always told her that if she felt extra anxious or if he thought she looked to chipper she needed an extra pill. She was taking them for her anxiety, but in Five's opinion, they didn't really work. She was still the same mousy thing, who if she would hide behind him during every encounter with anyone she didn't know. He didn't mind. He wasn't a fan of people either. It was why he wanted to be around her so much. They were the same, in a way their siblings would never understand. There was certain isolation that divided them from the others whether it was forced by their father or themselves. They were alone, but at least they could be alone together.

Still, Vanya's bottle looked like it had only about half left which meant she had to be taking more pills than just 2 per day. It was the 10th, which meant Vanya took a lot more pills than her average dose.

A lot more...

It was then that he realized where he saw that look. On her. He saw it after the first time their father took her away and brought her back, she looked like this as well, he thought it was the illness, he didn't know what anxiety meant at that time, and over time he just forgot about it altogether.

She overdosed on her pills voluntarily.

_Why didn't you come to me?_

He frowned down at pills as he could hold them responsible before he looked back at her face. She looked like a ghost, so pale, passive and not in present.

'How many did you take?' he tried to ask feeling, she was too far gone at this point to think or talk.

Her brown eyes blinked at him so slowly that for a moment he thought they would stay closed before she opened them.

She wasn't supposed to look like that. She wasn't! This wasn't _her_!

His mind drifted to last week when she laughed at his comments on the latest book he read and how he thought the author was preposterous. Her laughter was so honest and carefree. He continued to insult the author only to hear her laugh longer. She had a beautiful laugh. He didn't get to hear it much growing up. Not openly like that with people in their dinner looking at them oddly.

His fingers touched her cheek wondering if she even realized what was happening? Was she even awake? She was so cold. He needed to get her out of the rain before she would catch cold or something worse.

He took her elbow and started to lead her somewhere off the street. They were close to his place anyway.

'Let's go,' he ordered her, knowing it probably would not affect her so he needed to lead her there. On the way over, Five kept her as close as possible making sure no one would run into her. He couldn't help a realization that Vanya might have been on her way to his apartment. It was no way near her work or place from wherever she was coming from, maybe she just subconsciously knew she was in trouble and walked toward him to help her.

Somehow he accepted that thought with pride and hope that she would be alright. He just had to take care of her as a good brother would.

_**A good brother, right?** _

A voice inside his head snickered at him.

Once Five got her to his place, he locked the door, and he couldn't help but let his darkness thought wonder about the irony.

_**Did you want her like this? All to yourself? All to your will? You could do anything you wanted with her now?** _

He felt furious with the lusted hunger inside him.

This was not the time to be thinking about such despicable things!

'You're insane, you know that?' he asked Vanya sharply just to fill the room with some noise other than his dirty and loud thoughts.

'Who the hell just sits on the street during a rain,' he mumbled frustrated and annoyed before he went to reap down his coat while kicking off his shoes to the side. He was wet as well, his umbrella probably lost forever. Well, it was a small price to pay for getting Vanya from the rain and cold.

Well, at least from the rain.

As he looked at her he saw how her tiny body even with the coat over it trembled from the cold, those wet clothes were no doubt giving her.

'Insane, really. Who does that? You will catch pneumonia and what will you do then, ha?' he snapped but mostly to himself complaining as old people tend to do all grumpy and frustrated with everything. But then again, he always felt like he was too old for his generation. He was born too late, Vanya said it sometimes as well. Another reason why they fit so well.

She was standing still, on the same spot he left her watching him without a single sound.

'Vanya.'

His gaze was pierced into her, his jaw clenched and his lips in a sharp line. He was upset. With her, with himself, with the situation, with the day itself. He was just upset like people tend to be for everything and anything. He wished he could punch something or someone in that moment so bad. He wished there was a flesh and blood person who he could blame for the state Vanya was in and beat the shit out of...

But what good would that do to Vanya?

He realized he was a selfish prick now more than ever. Here he was wishing for his own release of anger while she was shivering in his corridor like a leaf in the wind.

She needed him, and he was too self-absorb to see it and help her.

_Some brother he was_.

_**Maybe because you do not wish to be a brother anymore...** _

The voice could say the cruelest and honest things which made Five want to look away from Vanya's unfocused eyes. Even though he knew she probably wasn't all there, he still felt like she knew and was judging him, but it must have been just his own consciousness.

He walked toward her looking at her face again. She looked so pale. It wasn't alright. None of this was alright. She wasn't herself, and he hated that. He couldn't stand to look at her like that, but at the same time, he couldn't look, away. He just couldn't he owed her that much.

Five watched her eyes looking so lost for a second before he made up his mind. Good brother, or not he loved her, and she needed him, so he would be here for her.

He started with the buttons on her coat knowing it would be the easiest part no matter how hard it felt as he revealed more and more of her clothing taking displeasure in the fact that it was just as wet as the coat. She was soaked underneath her clothes.

_**Don't you have dreams like this? She's in your apartment by the door, and you are unbuttoning her coat, her blouse, her-** _

_Shut up!_

Even if for him it felt like painfully too long, it was quick and in no time, the piece of clothing was being slid down her arms to the ground where it let out a loud damp sound as it hit the floor.

'You're freezing,' he said as his hand covered hers. She was cold as ice, and it made the chaos inside him grown. He needed to warm her up as fast as possible.

'You're shaking,' he said before he let go of her hands and kneeled down in front of her.

He had a very distant memory of him being very little and helping her tie her shoe lances when they were little, but maybe it was just a fantasy his brain created based on the situation.

He pulled down her shoes one by one while keeping one hand on her waist to secure her in case she would lose balance. Somehow he had a feeling she was fighting off the need to fall asleep at that moment. He always wanted to make sure she was safe now more than ever in his entire life.

He got up and looked at her. The passive look on her face almost made him want to look away, but he forced himself not to. This was Vanya. His Vanya and she needed him.

'Let's go,' he said as he once again guided her, this time to his small bathroom.

The only time he ever had to come to a bathroom with her was the first time she ever came to visit after he moved it. It was years now, and since then she had been in his apartment plenty of times. He enjoyed her company, and he hoped she did him as well. It was nice to have her around. She carried different energy than the others. Five always felt like there was a certain tension between the others and him, like all the things which they did, all the Umbrella Academy bullshit made them look at one another differently. Now they were all somewhere else and different people and every time they met up even for a while it was like the curtain has dropped and they couldn't pretend that they were over the nightmare of their childhood and the Umbrella Academy. Like they couldn't run away from the trauma and what it did to them no matter much they tried and how could they do so when they were on their own. Far away from the Academy, it was easy to believe it was all in the past or it never happened. But when they were together not so much.

Vanya was different. She didn't act differently now than she did back then, and she never made him feel guilty about things that happened or self-aware. She carried a certain lightness in her presence and whenever she was around he felt _calm_.

_**I think you mean happy** _ _._

He hushed the mocking voice inside his mind. He would have none of that now.

He turned on the water to fill his tub going over everything he knew about overdosing from living with Klaus before as well as depressions. Not to mention his personal experience with alcoholism.

_Why didn't you come to me?_

He couldn't help but feel upset about that the most even if it was pointless now. He needed to know. Did she not trust him enough? Did she think he wouldn't come to help her? Could she not even control it? Didn't she know he would let go of literally anything to help her?

_**Didn't she?!** _

Five let his hand brush his face in absolute frustration. He never would have expected to be in such a situation with her.

'Can you undress yourself?' he asked softly, but Vanya wasn't even looking at him. Her eyes were on the tub.

'Vanya?' he asked again, 'Can you even hear me?'

He touched her cheek but it was like she was too far away to hear or know what was happening. It might as well all be fog for her. That was how he felt whenever he got drunk. He remembered pieces but the total image was hard to put together.

He took a deep breath and very slowly started to unbutton her blouse forcing his beating heart to knock it off. He was doing this because she was in the need for it-

_**In the need of helping!** _

-not because of any other motive.

'You're completely soaked, how long have you been out there?' he asked again, but he was passed the point of waiting for an answer from her. He just hoped he wasn't pushing too many boundaries or doing something absolutely against her will.

_**But you are because she can't tell you** _ **no.**

His hands trembled at the hideous thoughts.

_**Because that is how you would like her. Just like this without any chance to stand against you, at your mercy for you to do all those terrible things you dreamed about at night. Those things no brother-** _

The shirt fell to the ground next leaving her exposed and her body to shudder when it got hit by the chilliness of the room. Surprisingly seeing her like this cause the train of his thoughts to stop.

Five's hands move over her arms to warm her up a bit, 'Alright, just a little bit longer.'

She looked so fragile in that moment, he had to fight the urge not to hug her and keep her in his embrace. But she needed this more. She needed to get warm before she would get sick. He needed to help her get warm.

That was at least what he kept on repeating to himself because the alternative was too annoying and confusing at the moment.

He wasn't sure if it wasn't because of the hot water from the tub or because he was undoing the zipper on Vanya's pants but he felt incredibly warm on the face.

This was definitely not something he imagined doing with her being so unresponsive. It felt just weird and awkward like this. He didn't like her being like this. It was wrong.

He couldn't look at her when he felt head title her head a bit probably looking at him. Even if her eyes were unfocused he could still feel them on him, and there was no way in hell he was looking at her.

'Sorry,' he said as he undid the zipper and pulled her pants down before once again bending in front of her pulling the clothing down one leg at a time. Before he helped her step out of them noting that she was far too skinny. Did she always have an eating problem?

He fought the urge to let his fingers slide against her smooth leg before he looked back at her feeling hot and bothered by seeing her like this. His body even if it shouldn't, was affected by seeing her like this. Maybe he should leave it at this. Her clothes were wet anyway so what would it matter if he let her into the bathtub with her underwear still on?

_**But he didn't want to.** _

He cursed the annoying as fuck voice in the back of his head like his own personal demon telling him all this nonsense before he tried to speak the words not coming out the way he wanted them to at all, 'I'm gonna...now I'm gonna... no fuck it. I can't.'

He turned back to the bathtub and stopped the water.

He let out an deep breath before he looked somewhere behind her thinking about all things anti-sexy like seeing Luther's butt naked, tuna in pizza, old wrinkled people, even sharp objects into the eyes, anything just so he wouldn't think about his fingers sliding under the straps of Vanya's panties before he pushed them down.

He kept his eyes away from her body as he bent down to slide them off completely cursing at his periphery vision as he still caught a glance of her.

_**If you would just reach out and touch-** _

He swore to God he would take a knife from the kitchen and fucking cut that stupid voice out of his brain if it didn't stop.

He straightened up his chest rising and falling faster than before. He was sure at any point it would burst out of his chest just to get close to her.

Five leaned closer to her and kept his eyes on hers as his hands found their way behind her touching her bare back in the process of unhooking her bra. The last piece of clothing she still had on. He easily let the straps slide over her shoulders and pulled the underwear from her body before throwing it to the ground along with the rest of her clothing.

She didn't say anything, and neither did he, so now she was just standing there all naked in front of him without a single move or word. Five never did this for anyone. He had been with a woman before but he never actually undressed anyway the way he did Vanya now. He never had someone stand like this motionless maybe even brainless naked in front of him.

_**You could touch her if you wanted...she wouldn't stop you.** _

He cursed the demon inside his mind to eternal damnation because he wanted to. He could feel it in every cell of his body. He was a man and she was a woman he had been having conflicted feelings for as long as he could remember, and he really did want to touch her.

But this was in no way the right time or situation for him to act on the feelings chaotically flying inside him like a tornado. This was a moment she needed him to help her, and he would have been damned himself if he would abuse it in such outrages and brutal way.

Instead, Five carefully trying to be as gentle with her as possible put his hand on her back and then moved it to her lower back a bit slower than necessary. He slightly bent down and put his free hand under her knees quickly lifting her up into his arms before he carefully sat her down into his tub.

The water was hot, but it didn't burn. So she should be fine.

He carefully let her go noticing her eyes closed. Maybe she felt good too.

'Alright, now can you just-Hey!' he snapped at her, once he realized that he let go of her, and she started to sink under water.

'Don't do that!' he said and made sure he had her head lifted, 'Don't fall asleep, alright?'

She didn't answer. Just opened her eyes which looked so tired and barely open to look over at him. He was on the bridge of falling asleep. There was no way she would stay on the surface.

_Well, fuck._

He seriously didn't know what to do now. She needed the warm water, but he couldn't just leave her there alone. She would drown, and what was the point if he needed to hold her head up

He wasn't sure what to do...well actually he kind of was.

_**It not like you aren't thinking about it.** _

'Fucking hell,' he cursed loudly in the bathroom before he with one hand quickly started to move on to the buttons of his own shirt.

'I can't believe it, I'm actually...,' he shook his head, 'This better be work. You're killing me here.' Because she was. She really was. He might as well shot himself, but she needed him, and he needed to warm her up.

He undid his pants while still keeping her head above the water, and then the rest of his clothing. He would like to think that somewhere inside his head is a very old memory of him as a kid he bathed with her like this before. Maybe all of their siblings bathed like this before, but that maybe it was just his fantasy getting in the way and his brain trying to find some logic in why this was a good idea and Vanya wouldn't potentially hate him tomorrow.

_**If she got better tomorrow...** _

If Five momentary froze at the dreadful thought, Vanya didn't seem to notice like she didn't notice or react to anything today.

He took in a sharp intake and carefully her shifted and went into the tub sitting down against the edge before he pulled her closer letting her rest her head on his chest. Scared of the possibility that something was very wrong with Vanya and would most likely be wrong tomorrow as well caused him to sober off enough to ignore their nudity and their bodies pressed to one another.

_**NO FUCKING WAY!** _

There was no way, that Vanya wouldn't wake up from this haze tomorrow. She just too many pills, but tomorrow she would be fine. She would be Vanya again. She would wake up and be all awkward and embarrassed and he would sit her down and tell her it's fine that she needed him and of course he helped. He would apologize if he was being intrusive but note how well the bath did her and she would blush the way she always did when he did something sweat or semi-romantic toward her and accept it because that was who Vanya was. There was no way, that tomorrow Vanya would still be like this...unresponsive.

Tomorrow she would be Vanya again. She had to be!

He kept one hand secured on her stomach and his legs caged her between him keeping her from moving under the water while also bringing himself his own comfort by knowing she was there in his arms. She was safe. He would make sure of it.

'It's okay,' he said his voice a bit softer now as he started to slowly stroke her hair and the side of her head. He wasn't sure if he was doing it for her or his own benefit, but his heart was beating like a drum and for the first time since he was four and had a bleeding knee from falling down the stairs during practice runs, he wanted to cry.

'You're okay now.'

_**You have to be!** _

They stayed like that with Five securing Vanya in his arms in the nicely warm water one body pressed to another. If the situation was different, Five could think of a few things they would be doing right now. If the situation was different he wondered if Vanya would turn around and lie on top of him.

_**If the situation was different she would have never ended up here in the first place, dumbass.** _

None of that matter all which matter was that tomorrow she would be Vanya again and he would talk to her about her pills and what it means that she takes too much, and he would help her get over whatever she needed so this would never happen again because the mere thought of Vanya sitting still on the street in the rain or worse someone who wouldn't care about her enough would take her to lead her into a dark alley or his place made Five want to puke or punch the side of his bathroom wall really hard.

She let out a small sigh and Five couldn't help but tense a bit as he felt his body react to it. He tried to calm himself down before he pressed his head against the top of hers, 'Just come back to me, okay?'

That was all which mattered to him.

Although this was supposed to be for her benefit, he couldn't help but found his own body relaxing to the feeling of the warm water as well as Vanya's soft body against his own. He never found the appeal of taking long baths the way Klaus did, but maybe that could change because right now he felt really nice and relaxed more than he did in the whole week. He also felt her own body melting against his which only added to the belief that he did right and Vanya needed the bath.

He didn't even realize when did he start to drum against her stomach. It was a nervous habit, but right now it felt like it was just a habit to fill the room with some movement other than their breathing.

_**She fit nicely against you** _ **.**

At least the thought wasn't as obscene as the others so he allowed it to live a bit longer in his mind and then sunk in. She really did fit nicely against him. He wondered if she thought so too even if he cursed himself again telling him it wasn't about that, and that Vanya could feel whatever the hell she wanted to.

He noticed the slightly tangled piece of dirt in her hair. She was sitting on the ground for God knows know long. She needed to wash her hair a bit.

Five moved against her a bit before he took his shampoo and soap. He already pretty much crossed every boundary there was when he stripped down her clothes, now he was lying in the bathtub with her naked feeling the curves of her body and how she fit against him. How could he possibly make it worse with this?

He started with her hair because he thought that was the safest place to start. He wouldn't be touching her anywhere near her delicate places, and yet he would work on the main issue which was the dirt in her hair. That was at least what he thought until he actually let his hand run into Vanya's hair. It was so _different_.

Vanya's hair wasn't as long as it used to be when they were growing up, but it was still longer than his own. It was strange to touch one's hair or skull and massage shampoo into it. It was so soft and a bit tangled, but still nice to touch. He never got to touch her hair growing up, which kind of annoyed him now as he thought he would like to.

When he heard her let out a soft sigh of relief, he stopped for a moment, 'Are you alright? Did it hurt?'

She didn't answer of course and he rolled his eyes at his own absence mindless before he continued. When she did it again, Five smirked a bit realizing she liked the massage. Good, at least he knew he was doing something right today.

'I'm going to wash your body now, so don't hit me or anything,' he said although he doubted she heard him or would try to stop him. That was a very sobering thought which made him once again process with his like it was a task, a mission, not something he could possibly find pleasure in.

He slowly started with her shoulders thinking they were the next safest area apart from her hair. He repeated to himself or and over again that Vanya needed him and this was favor not something to be enjoyed or taken as an invitation mostly doing a decent job in not getting aroused. However, he knew all too well, his mind was storing every single detail of Vanya's body, or the feeling of her body and skin against her his fingers and ever single breath and sigh and moan for later to torture him with endless fantasies and ideas. He would burn in hell and he would deserve it for sure.

He almost lost it when he moved through her chest, forcing himself to be quick and thorough before he quickly leaned her forward and went to her back. Her skin was fair and gorgeous, and he wished he could press his lips against it before he chased the thought away thinking about literally anything but _that_.

It went completely out of the window when he had to move between her legs and she let out a _moan_. He shut down his brain completely just quickly finishing.

'Ignore it,' he said his voice a bit hoarse and he hated that it was as he knew she could feel his member pressed against her. He couldn't imagine how uncomfortable it was for her now. He felt rotten on the inside a bit now.

He put the soap away and pulled her higher by her waist so she wouldn't be pressed directly against him.

'Do you feel any better, hm?' he asked his voice now again a bit softer than before. He was doing this for her. He wanted her to be alright.

He felt her pressed the back of her head against his shoulder and he could see that she closed her eyes hopefully in bliss. He hoped she felt relaxed and calm and that it was all worth it and helping. If he fucked it up, if tomorrow she would be horrified of his actions and would call him a pervert or a freak and never want to see him afraid and disgusted that he used her in a way, he would probably lose his mind.

Vanya was essential in his life since they were kids, but even more now than ever. When they were younger they used to want nothing more than to get out of the house, to the real world, the adult world. They wanted to break out and be themselves and live the life the way they wanted, but the moment they did, he personally felt lost. There was so much he could do and yet he didn't really know if he wanted to. He settled for getting his degrees and settled for a job as a theoretical physicist, and he realized just how much different he was from others. It wasn't just something caused by the Umbrella Academy and living isolated in the mansion. His siblings seemed to fit into the world just fine, adjusting to life, but he couldn't help, but feel like he wanted to be detached from it like he had to try extra hard to get involved with people and life. He avoided new encounters as much as possible seeing no meaning to polite chit-chats all he wished for was to be left alone. He liked his work, he enjoyed it because it gave him minimum time with people. And yet...sometimes he felt _lonely_. Ironic really. He pushed people away as much as possible and then he was alone, and he still wasn't satisfied. Life is pretty strange that way.

Anyway, it was the reason why he needed Vanya in his life so much. Ever since they were kids there was something about her which made him want to be close to her. For him, she gave out a vibe which caused him to feel good and calm. She was the only person he felt like he could talk to for hours and wouldn't send him away. Growing up with a cold-hearted bastard and five ego-busted siblings, she was the only one who seemed down to earth and real at times. He wondered if he would have survived inside the house for as long as he had if she wasn't there with him. Probably not. He would probably run away or try to time travel away or something.

Now he needed her even more than before even if it was hard to imagine he could need her more. Even in a world full of people around them, she still felt like the only one who was real. Like she was brighter in color when everyone else was greyer or their colors were faded.

Five used to need her when they were kids, and that did not change at all. Unlike with the others who had all gone their separate ways, they stuck together. She was almost constantly in his place. He liked having her around. He felt the most comfortable when he was at home so he wanted her to be there as well instead of at her place. He went to all of her concerts but told her he only had been to just a few so he wouldn't seem too eager or cause her problems. He caught the whispers of one or two colleagues of hers talking about him like he was her boyfriend or something. He got worried about what would they think if they found out they were related and tried to act nonchalant and acted like he skipped a few even if he always there watching her play. She was amazing, and he told her so every day taking pride in that shy smile she offered him whenever he did. He knew he felt...something. Something which wasn't entirely brotherly or platonic.

_**How could you have not when you were laying with her naked in the bathtub?** _

He just wasn't sure how she felt. She was always the same, and he couldn't figure out if it was just her being a good sister or if maybe she thought about something more.

Five finished pretty much quickly along with his train of thoughts and once he washed all the shampoo and soap off her he carefully and without a single care about how would look or feel picked her up bridal style.

'Don't slip,' he mumbled as he sat her down and she opened her eyes to look at him once they were out of the tub.

He took one of his big towels the kind which hugged her whole body as he put it over her shoulders and started to dry her, his eyes looking at her face the whole time.

He felt his face all heated up now, and not just from the warm water, he felt his heart leaping inside his chest. Five knew something changed between them. He could sense it, and he knew Vanya once she would be herself again would as well. He hoped she would accept it. He knew he did.

As he was done with her hair, he noticed her face.

'Eyelash,' he said before he reached for her face and wiped with his thumb.

He brought his thumb to her face, 'Will you wish for something?'

She didn't answer or lowered her eyes from his. Her eyes were so not Vanya, but he could see she was there. Somewhere, underneath all the pills she was still Vanya and she would come back soon, to him. She had to. She had to come back, and they had to talk about this and she had to get better and they had to stay together.

He almost felt like shaking from all the possibilities of that not working out in his favor. He was never more afraid in his entire life.

'Okay,' he sounded so weak right then, like he was some child and not a grown-up man, but then again right now standing with her in front of him like this with the knowledge that now she must have known how he felt about her, he might as well became one.

He brought his hand toward his face looked away from her for a moment before he said his wish, 'I hope you will be yourself tomorrow.'

Then he blew the little eyelash away and continued to dry her with the towel moving over her chest and under her shoulders before he went lower, 'I never know whether you should say the wish out loud or not. Still seems silly, but you believe in things like that, don't you?'

He made a knot on the towel to secure it around her body as he went to take one himself and then another one to put over her hair.

He took one for him as well and dried himself even faster just so he could take care of her sooner.

Five got them out of the bathroom and moved to his bedroom where he sat her down on the bed, 'You're gonna have to do with my clothes today. All my t-shirts will most likely be dresses for you, but I think we will manage.'

He was rambling a bit again. He knew that. He just wanted to fill the silence now as out of the bathtub he now was painfully aware of all which had happened, all he did. He hoped he did right by her. He really hoped.

Abruptly he undid the knot on the towel and pulled one of his long shirts over her head and down before he guided each of her legs into a pair of boxes and pulled them up. He did so as fast as possible trying not to look at her too much.

Ridiculous! The hell was he being modest about now? He stripped down her clothes, he saw her naked, he bathed with her. He even had his hands all over her body, even between her legs, and now he wanted to offer her some privacy?

'You're drowning in those,' he commented before he returned to his closet and picked up his own clothes. She looked kind of cute with his oversize clothes on her tiny frame. It was a bit funny. Probably the first funny thing all day.

She watched him openly. He could feel her gaze on him as he changed his clothing. He wasn't sure if it was the pills or if she just didn't care anymore and accepted what happened between them.

Once he was done, he came back to her and lifted her up again only to have her lied down on the bed. He had done this before. When he made her come to his place she sometimes stayed late and dozed off, so he picked her up for those couple of moments let himself enjoy the weight of her body in his arms as he carried her before he put her to his bed. He never stayed of course. He couldn't dare to imagine how would she react if she found herself in the bed with him in the morning. But that was different. That was before. Tonight was different. It was about something else.

He went to turn off the lights and came to lie down next to her on the other side. It wasn't that late there was still evening light coming from the windows.

As his eyes were glued to the ceiling, he couldn't help but spiral a bit about all which just happened. She took the pills and was left in the rain. He put off her clothing and bathed with her. He did a lot of things he wasn't sure how would she react to. Even if there were little signs somewhere in the back of his head he might have been reading them all wrong.

He felt himself swallow a bit heavy with anticipation of the morning and what would happen. Gosh, he hoped she would be alright. She had to be. He wouldn't survive it otherwise. He hoped tomorrow they could be Vanya and Five again and he would be able to talk to her about all of this and maybe she would feel something too. If she didn't he wouldn't care. He would take whatever she could give him as long as they would still be like this, together.

'I hope,' he mumbled suddenly not even sure why he started it now. It was pointless when she was like this anyway. She wouldn't answer or acknowledge it all.

'I hope I didn't make it worse for you,' he swallowed a bit again dread in his heart as he said it out loud worse than when he only said it in his head, 'Or made you feel uncomfortable or think I used you-'

If it was true. If she was scared or the inside and disgusted and hated him now-he would-he would...

Just then her index finger touched his and impossibly leisurely stroked his skin in her brief moment letting him breathe again. He let out a relieved breath. So he didn't get everything wrong. At least she didn't hate him, she wasn't disgusted or felt like he forced himself on her in some way...

Even in her profoundly bad state of mind and body, she found a way to get through for him, so he would know it was okay. So he wouldn't worry, so he didn't feel bad. Always quick to help him, keep him sane, save him like she always did.

Five moved on the bed and rolled her to her side before he spooned her from the behind pulling her as close as humanly possible feeling endlessly grateful for what she did, 'Take your time. I'm here.'

He sensed that she fell asleep right after that. The exhaustion which was radiating from her since he found her finally got the best of her.

Maybe the old woman was right. It was just one of those days when you just want to stay in bed.

He kept her in his arms listening to her even breathing for a very long time before he finally fell asleep himself. Tomorrow it would be fine. Tomorrow she would be herself and they would talk. Tomorrow he will ask her about the pills, help her deal with whatever she needed to, and maybe tell her how he felt. Tomorrow...

When he woke up he felt someone's hand on his cheek delicately stroking him with more care than he ever felt before.

His eyes opened in an instant as his mind caught onto what happened the previous day. Once they did, he found Vanya still in his arms only now she had her face in front of his with the softest smile playing on her lips, her eyes wide open and focused and her hand pressed against his cheek.

'Good morning,' she said, he never thought there ever was a better morning than that one right then and there with Vanya in his arms looking alive and like herself smiling like him just as softly as she was stroking his cheek with her eyes shining bright open and awake.

* * *

**Koniec**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: Fiiiinaly finished it. I had given up on writing this like 3x times already because it never felt right, but I decided to finish it anyway. Thank you for all the feedback and support of this story. I was glad to know so many people enjoyed and were interested in it because I was very unsure about how people would handle this sort of thing. Anyway, this is mainly for El and phung_elisa since you guys were interested in a second chapter/FIVe's POV.

**Author's Note:**

> A.N: No idea how this happened, but I'm fucked up so... ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Thanks for reading if you want leave a feedback.


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